Low T 'til my 50's

Hi all, I joined so I could share my story. I hope it helps someone.

Apparently I've had very low testosterone all my life. I had mumps and measles at the same time when I was a kid, so I don't know if that was a factor, but all my life, I felt like I was "different" than everyone else around me.

I always knew I was gay -- that wasn't an issue -- so was my big brother. But in my case, I simply had no desire, after puberty, for sex, people, anything involving those things that we classically define as being part of 'growing up'.

I had a great career -- but that's all I had. I found satisfaction in technical equipment and dealing with the idiosyncrasies of software development. To me it all seemed normal, but I have to admit I was jealous of those around me who were interacting with each other, raising families, and, well, living.

It wasn't until I moved into the city of San Francisco at age 53 that a doctor did a thorough exam, and discovered that my T level was in the 200's. He asked if I'd ever had sexual problems. I told him I'd never really had erections, had never been able to grow a beard, and quite honestly I'd just accepted it as who I was.

For the first year, I tried a gel. It changed me somewhat. My beard started to grow. I started having hair grow on my arms for the first time. But more than anything else, I felt horny. It wasn't a completely new feeling, but it was a feeling I hadn't experienced in years. We decided to move to an injectable after the first year, and the progress continued. I have to admit I was something of an adolescent: my friends were in their 20's strangely -- it seemed I had more in common with 20-somethings than I did anyone in their 50s.

I had never experienced sex, drugs, rock and roll even though I lived through its era. Sex was non-existent pretty much, I never did drugs, and rock-and-roll had just annoyed me. I loved music -- mostly orchestral stuff (think movie soundtracks). But with testosterone, I found myself becoming a fan of Miley Cyrus, Ke$ha, Beyonce, you name it -- if it was good pop, I was dancing to it on the dance floor with my 20 and 30-something friends.

Because of a job layoff last year, I lost my medical benefits, and was off testosterone for 9 months. My sex drive disappeared. I felt like I had stopped living. Depression was there, but I found ways to handle it and tried to look forward.

Fortunately last month, a doctor re-prescribed it for me, and it's covered by the public health plan here in San Francisco. My T-level was below 100, so I qualified for a clinical "hypogonadism" diagnosis. The past two weeks -- especially the first day of the 2nd week when my levels were the highest they've obviously been in a while -- have been a real revelation. I can now say that I understand what I was going through when I first started T back 3 years ago. I'm like a different person. My interest in others (especially sexual attraction, which leads to being much more conversational and outgoing) is remarkable. It's almost like being "drunk on testosterone" but I suppose it's what I was always supposed to feel like. I honestly had no idea that most people with normal hormone levels felt this way. No wonder I felt like such an outsider.

I guess what I'm saying is that T-level testing should be much more the norm for full blood work. I do have to admit I wrestle with having "missed my life", but I also avoided HIV, as I lived through its peak. In some ways I feel like a transgender M-to-M (male to male), who, kinda like Bruce Jenner, is now experiencing, in my 50's and soon 60's, my correct gender for the first time in my life.