Sorry to hear you are having such a roller coaster of a time. All of the issues you are having with your testosterone is enough of a pain in the neck, but add marital problems, sexual problems, and emotional turmoil to it and I commend you for being able to keep your wits about you. I hope that counseling will help to iron things out, at least in your marriage if not in all areas of your life. As you already know, the problem with testosterone is in the challenge of finding the right balance of medications and treatment that will allow for you to get the results you are looking for. That is hopefully without tons of side effects that you also have to learn how to cope with.